i finally have an audience to ignore me.

Is this real life?

courtneytothemax:

I’m going to get real for a second here. I usually tend to be pretty private online; too much of my life is public as it is because of my work. But I feel like opening up right now.

I don’t remember the last time I felt alive.

Tour really messes with your head. Its not real life. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But I miss human connection. It is nearly impossible to sustain any sort of normal relationship on tour. Many friends on the road tend to be friends of convenience. Yes, I do like a lot of people I meet on tour, but once the tour is over you hardly see that person anymore. Because just like you, they are constantly on the go.

I think because I know I will not see these people much after a tour is done I subconsciously shut myself away from everyone. If I get too close, the pain of having to say goodbye is too hard to bear. I don’t like these walls I’ve built up.

Then I stop and think about what I’m complaining about.

I get paid to travel the world with amazing people doing a job that I feel I was born to do. But what I don’t understand is what am I missing out on, that everyone else on tour seems to get? They all seem happy.

I just want to break down these walls I’ve built around myself.

i could’ve written these words myself. i feel the exact same way.

people seem to get mad when i’m blatantly honest.

how backwards.

i get mad when people aren’t blatantly honest. and i honestly am not sure that anyone ever has been.

if you care about someone, you should be able to tell them the truth. it might hurt them now, but they’ll thank you later.

i wish someone could just be honest with me.

(via loveyourchaos)

there’s a story behind this stuffed dog and why i love it so. my friend came to spend new years with me in orlando. the next day, we both ended up driving back to his hometown four hours north. i spent a few days there, and one night we went to the bar with his roommate. we stopped at a CVS on the ride back to their house and only he went in. i was in the passenger seat turned around facing the friend in the back seat. when he got out of the car, i, acting like a 5 year old, told him he wasn’t allowed to get back in my car unless he came back with one of the giant stuffed animals that were on display. i kept talking to his friend. a few minutes later, he opened the car door and passed me this gigantic stuffed dog. i love this thing. when i hold it i feel like a little kid again. it’s as big as i am.

he’s flawed but i see a lot of him in me. he can be an asshole but when it comes down to it, he has my back in ways no one else does. he just gets me. that kid has more heart than anyone else i know. i miss him.

hey, boy. maybe i’ll let you sing me to sleep tonight.

[@mdl, yes, i know you’re still crossing your fingers that him and i end up together. i’m pretty sure my mom is, too. haha.]

(via loveyourchaos)

believe it.

i’m better off without you. but you’re not better off without me.

He's Just Not That Into You.

aileen365:

shesromantic:

(This helped me once. I hope it helps you.)

If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a shit, it’s because he doesn’t give a shit.

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

Men don’t forget how much they like you, so put down the phone.

If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.

Calling when you say you’re going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby. And it’s cold outside.

Don’t let the “honeys” and the “babys” fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.” Remember, actions speak louder than, “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person… if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re deeply missable.

Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

“But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”

We all need a little reminder once in a while.

you’re doing what all of us are doing. you’re getting by.

— weeds, season 1, episode 6.

My rabbi sent me this in 2006. I found it. He’s still accurate.